I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Your cock deserves a montage
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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