Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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