you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
There's a naked man in my car right now.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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