i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
