i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
