I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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