yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
