I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
