when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
