DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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