I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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