Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
