Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
