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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Actions speak louder than pants.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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