Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
