He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
