Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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