how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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