Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize