What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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