That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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