Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Randomize
