A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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