i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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