my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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