i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize