I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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