i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
