Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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