I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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