Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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