I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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