I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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