we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
