1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize
