Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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