i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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