Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
