READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
