I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I could fuck to npr.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
