Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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