Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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