if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
its liver damage thursday
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
