he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
