My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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