My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I have aggressive nipples.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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