Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
