I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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