So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
