My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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