we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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