best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
