I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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