Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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