Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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