i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
