"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
