Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize