went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I have tasted many bathrooms
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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