I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
