Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
