every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Alive.
So much puke
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
