id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
