Whatcha textin bout Willis?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
