So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
