just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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