note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
