you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize