Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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