Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
